What Jonah Thinks

2004-08-06T09:47:00.000-04:00

What's got two thumbs and is back in the NYC?

This Guy!

Yes people, after having unlimited, free internet in Budapest I was dragged kicking and screaming to Paris. There I was treated to internet with french keyboards that cost 8 bucks an hour. Now I love you people but I aint going to throw my cizash away just to blog about how much I hate the French.

But now I'm back. And I got a new perspective on the stupidity of the world. So be ready cause Jonah's been doin a lot of thinkin.

At least AIR CONDITION your damn country!

2004-07-15T04:21:00.000-04:00

KOPS

Have you ever seen a Swedish movie dubbed into Hungarian? The Thinker has!

Kops or Zsernyakok in Hungarian is the story of a small town police station in Sweden which is threatened with being shut down. Why? Because they haven't had a reported crime in 10 years! (ps. I'm moving to Sweden)

The cast of characters is pretty good but stealing the show is BENNY, played by Torkel Petersson. This guy rocks. He often dreams of being a real crime fighter and he knits headbands for all his peeps.

Bad kops, bad kops, whatcha gonna do?

Jonah says: "Go forth and find this movie! Rent it. Watch it."

2004-07-13T01:47:00.000-04:00

WJT 1000

And a big mazal tov to yours truly. WJT has finally had its 1000th visitor. In the future tell your friends about the wisdom you have gained from WJT. Still way to many people out there thinking for themselves.

I love WhatJonahThinks!

Jonah says: "Thanks for your support!"

2004-07-13T01:36:00.000-04:00

PIMP MY RIDE

For those of you not in the know, the Commies did do something right:

THE TRABANT

2 words, CHANNUKAH PRESENT!

I want to bring one of these commie bad boys back to the states, drop her down a couple of inches, throw in some hydraulics and out hipster-cool the whole city. They even make a 2 door station wagon. So dope!

Jonah says: "Xibit, PLEASE pimp my ride!"

2004-07-12T18:17:00.000-04:00

Don't ask. Just DONT FUCK WITH BENNY!

2004-07-12T14:11:00.000-04:00

Hungary Mourns

The people of Hungary took to the streets today to commemorate the passing of Isabel Sanford, best known for her role as "Weezie Jefferson."

"She meant so much to the Hungarian people," said Hegy Kszymonok with tears streaming down his face. "It was 'The Jeffersons' that taught the Hungarian people that we could have a better life, if the Jeffersons could 'Move on Up,' then so could we!"

Weezie visited her Hungarian fans often

R.I.P. Isabel Sanford 1918-2004

2004-07-11T12:01:00.000-04:00

What Do You Mean "Customer Service?"

In the latest of many encounters with Europeans who hate you for making them do your job The Thinker encountered the sauna attendant. So with the goal of sweating out the various libations drank at the Buddah Bar until my 330am trip to McDonald's, my boy Brian and I headed down to the sauna (that's right, I live in a dorm in the suburbs of Budapest, and we got a sauna BIYATCH!). So in we go past the desk from where this man orchestrates his reign of terror over the sauna/pool/workout room area and he was not there. No problem as they have about 10,000 "use the sauna at your own risk" signs. Anyway, we get in ant it feels a little chilly for a sauna. We go back out to try to turn it on and find this guy, the Stalin of the CEU sauna, looking upon us with disdain.

Then this fucker begins to give us a lecture on signage and just how it works. You see, if we had "bothered to read the sign outside of the front door" we would have known that the pool is open at 2pm but the sauna turns on at 6. TO me this was the perfect example of the European mentality. Basically it's have lots of rules, and make them really hard to find so that you can treat people like shit when they break them by accident. This scumbag could have said "oh, I guess you missed the sign on your way in, it is pretty small and out of the way." But no, we were the transgressors. We had to be put in our place. As we left we checked every sign, 3 hours later we found the one he was talking about.

Was this too much to ask?

2004-07-08T12:58:00.000-04:00

WHAT THE F@$#K?

After being informed by my main man Thigh Master of the state of Hungarian Secondary School mis-education, I thought some thoughts from behind the goulash curtain were in order.

In case you missed it yours truly, the Thinker is livin in the land of few vowels, bourekas and kick ass bus songs (more on that in a moment). Anywhoo, it seems that old G.W. Bush is quite the hated figure here. Maybe so but at least they still think Hitler was worse.

Another story of Hungary. Walking from school (Big Ups CEU!) the other day I was remarking to my boys how I had read of the promiscuity of the Hungarian populace. And it took the Hungarian people just a matter of seconds to show me just how promiscuous these Hungarian ladies really is. There to our left was an old woman standing by a fountain giving her dog the old red rocket (second definition). Once again folks, this is Budapest and I shit you not!

As you let that one sink in I'll give you a little info on the transportation here. All the busses and trains have plenty of room to stuff people in uncomfortably between the seats. The doors on the public transport here (especially the commie left overs) slam shut faster and harder than the thighs of a Druish Princess. You get out of the way, or lose a limb. Sometimes you see busses go by with severed body parts hanging from the doors...

Ok that last part was not serious. I guess the commies realized the people might not like getting maimed by the doors so to make you feel better after running for your life not to be in the door's way, you get a little jingle not so unlike the Ice Cream Man. And wouldn't you know it, lots of people eating ice cream on the bus and train.

So that's Budapest so far. Still to come: The Statue Park and a club in a boat.

Jonah says: "Come to Budapest, my minions. This place rocks!"

2004-07-07T01:32:00.000-04:00

I'M HUNGARY!

Sorry for the delay people, Budapest is just too damn fun to spend time blogging. I know you mere mortals are in danger of not knowing what to think but I'm soaking up the ex-communist attitude that working too hard is for suckers.

Anyway, I'm here at the Central European University learning to make people agree (by telling the WHATJONAHTHINKS!). Just wanted to let you all know that Jonah is still thinking, even when I'm Hungary.

2004-06-28T13:19:00.000-04:00

Jonah Thinks Florence Is Cool

I am writing from Rome after 3 pretty great days in Florence. Nice city they got there. I was able to eat pasta for the first time as well as almost drop dead from biking up the Tuscan countryside.

Got to pray in the great Synagogue there Friday night, quite an experience. The Nazis had used this Synagogue for a parking lot but 60 years later there we were. Small in number but still aware that what we were doingamountedd to our victory. I had a difficult time controlling my emotions.

The Synagogue in question

2004-06-23T12:05:00.000-04:00

Thinker in Italy

Yes ladies and gentlemen its true, the thinker has left the building. After many many hours of planes trains and 0 automobiles, I made it safely to Venice. I am shocked and amazed at this place. I mean, its nothing like the Venetian. Well except for the bridge.

The Vegas version leads to a mall.

This is the real thing, it IS a mall!

Jonah says: "As I will be in |Europe for the next 6 weeks, updates will be sparse. I'm sure this wont be easy for you, but I believe you will survive. Next update to be from Florence."

2004-06-18T13:46:00.000-04:00

True Democracy

In Israel this week a Jewish Israeli man was convicted of incitement to racism. His crime? The man, a fan of the Betar Yerushalyim soccer team, shouted "death to Arabs" during a game in December 2001. He explained that there was nothing wrong with what he had done because to be a Betar fan is to shout "death to Arabs." There's idiots everywhere folks.

I was reminded of an afternoon I had spent in Jerusalem in January 2003 with my cousins. We share an affinity for the cheap, knockoff merchandise sold in the street bazaar's of Israel. My favorite purchase to this point: a black skully that said "Dallas Comboy." Anyway, in one store I saw a yellow soccer fan scarf that said Betar Yerushalyim on it. I grabbed it cause it looked cool, ignorant of the political affiliations of Betar's fan base. "Not that one" said my cousin, "they hate Arabs." Then I remembered that in most of the rest of the world sports teams have political leanings.

So I put the scarf back, still a little disappointed that my cool ass scarf was similar to a Klan hood, and we left. When we got back to their apartment I was presented with a different scarf. This one was red and said Hapoel Yerushalyim. "That's who we like" I was told. I knew what that meant.

In another Israeli soccer story, Bnei Sakhnin won the Israeli state soccer championship a month ago. Sakhnin is an Israeli Arab village. The team is made up of Arabs and Jews. The fan base is made up of Arabs and Jews from all over northern Israel. The country celebrated. Sometimes politics and sports really do mix.

This (shockingly) got me thinking. You know, in much of the Arab world "death to America" and "death to the Jews" are looked at in much the same way that this scumbag in Jerusalem looked at his chants. More a cheer like the "eat shit," "fuck you" at Camp Randall then a call to arms. If you are living in Iran you chant "death to America." In Jenin or the Bekkaa valley "death to the Jews." Not always because you really think all Americans or Jews should die, just because that is the way you cheer your team. Hell, when I go to watch IU or the Gmen play I am not a nice person. I want to see that other side finished and out of my way. In jest, I often wish for stadium collapse during Michigan/Notre Dame games.

why am I telling you this? Guess I'm just reconsidering the true power of words. Perhaps I should wish a little less pain on those stupid enough to go to Purdue?...

There is only one place in the Middle East where either of these stories could have happened. That place is Israel. One reason is that the rest of the Arab world short of Morocco was cleansed of its Jews in the early 50's. SO there couldn't be a Jewish team winning the Iranian soccer title, they kicked just about all the Jews out. Another is that there is no other country in the region with a legal system honest and reliable enough to enforce the law equally among the citizens. There you go.

2004-06-18T13:16:00.000-04:00

Everyone Listens To whatjonahthinks

After finding a clearly erroneous definition of the "gas face" on my beloved Urban Dictionary I was outraged. After pointing out their obvious error I received this reply:

Thanks for your recent recommendation to remove a word from Urban
Dictionary. Our editors have reviewed your suggestion and agree
that the definition of "gas face" by "Peter Fitzwell" should be removed.

We appreciate your input.

Urban Dictionary

P.W. Botha, gets the GAS FACE>

Jonah says: "We can all now sleep comfortably at night. A great injustice has been corrected. Generations of young children will never be mislead about the meaning of the "gas face" ever again!"

2004-06-18T08:54:00.001-04:00

FF ROCKS!

In celebration of my release from the clutches of New York State Supreme Court (and with a bit of luck) I joined my main man Thigh Master at last nights Franz Ferdinand show at Webster Hall.

Now, I like these guys. Shitty lyrics but some sweeeeet sound.

Jonah says: "Check these Scots out, they friggin rock!"

Glasgow Rangers Suck!

2004-06-18T08:40:00.000-04:00

I'm Back Biyatches

SO you thought it was over.

You thought I was done, kaput, el finito.

How wrong you were.

The government tried to shut me down by putting me on a jury and telling me not to talk to anybody, but it couldn't last forever.

AND NOW, after 3 minutes of deliberations...

JONAH THINKS AGAIN!

2004-06-01T11:35:00.000-04:00

60 Centre Street Rocks!

Why? You ask.

Because even the courtrooms are wireless. So right now I am sitting here waiting for the attorneys to finish reading the extremely informative juror questionnaires. Wonder what they are going to learn about me except that I live with my parents.

The clock in this room is an hour fast. Man I hope they put me on this one.

And still no signs of Pauly Shore.

2004-06-01T10:12:00.000-04:00

TWO DOWN

So they still think I'm having more fun playing on my computer than I would telling them what to think.

Fools.

Anyway, at this rate I should be called and not chosen many times before this ordeal is over.

Go NY Civil Court!

2004-06-01T10:01:00.000-04:00

One Down

Just made it through the first call of names without being selected. Only five more days of this? Bring it on yo.

2004-06-01T09:10:00.000-04:00

ITS JURY TIME!

For the next week or so it has been decided that the courts of New York County will be listening to what Jonah thinks. As a special treat for all, I will keep what the Sports Guy calls a running diary.

Its amazing, everybody here wears togas.

Jonah says: "I'm paying $9 a day to bring this joy into your lives."

2004-05-25T00:26:00.000-04:00

BUSTED COMPUTER
Sorry people. I know you wait for my words. My damn computer broke. Until its fixed, very little blogging.
But next week: BLOGGING FROM JURY DUTY!

2004-05-21T13:54:00.000-04:00

The Baddest Man Alive

In an amount of time I would consider a less than good night's sleep, a super Sherpa climbed Mt. Everest. I mean, this MF climbed that bitch in 8 hours and 10 minutes! How mint is that? (Wink wink Thigh Master)

Apparently this guy thought he was on his way to the mall.

Jonah says: "Hell, I get winded after a flight of stairs."

2004-05-21T00:13:00.000-04:00

Whatever Happened to the Military-Industrial Complex?

You know the term. The great military-industrial complex that was talked about throughout the cold war. Build up the military, go to war occasionally and you will prop up the economy. Guns, bombs, tanks, planes, ships...they all need to be built and paid for. This is hundreds of billions of dollars pumped directly into the American economy. This is not the case during the present war and that is a shock.

Republicans are supposed to be the ones who only spend government money on overbuilding the military. But instead they are cutting taxes and troop size. Going deep into debt again but without it having any benefits for the American people. If we are going to go deep into debt to fight an ever growing conflict against radical Islam, we might as well put people to work doing it. And I'm not talking about by hiring private security firms to run prisons and guard politicos.

This is another failure of the Rumsfeld Pentagon. He believes that we can do everything with a small, highly specialized and effective force. He has been proven wrong. We need at least another 150,000 troops in Iraq right now. We need to raise base military pay to convince more to join. We need to build them the best possible equipment, in American factories. Bring back some of the many bases closed and rejuvenate the local economies in those places.

Everyone says we are at war. If that's the case then I think its about time the Homeland acted like it.

This guy just cant get a damn thing right.

Jonah says: "Iraq can still be successful. If they would just listen to WHATJONAHTHINKS!"

2004-05-20T15:10:00.000-04:00

WHAT AN ASSHOLE

Yassir Arafat, who directed the Munich massacre of Israeli Olympians has announced that he is going to be working to help protect the Athens Olympics from terrorist attacks. Can you imagine the fucking gall of this scumbag?

This is like Osama announcing he was going fight against any terrorist attacks on the Republican National Convention. I mean, the man cant even control his own people and he's going to protect the Olympics? Shit, the Greeks can't even protect the games, and they are the damn hosts. You have to wonder about what is going on in his mind.

NO, I said DON'T bomb the Olympics!

Jonah says: "If he is not the very definition of RATBASTARD, I don't know what is."

2004-05-20T15:01:00.000-04:00

Venice, Illinois?

Horror of horrors, Chicago is sinking! Scientists have found out that water from Canada is slowly moving south, causing the US to sink. Chitown will be the first to go.

Is this a secret Canadian plot to sink the United States? Only time will tell.

On his way to Wrigley?

Jonah says: "It's cool, as long as they save Sweet Lou's."

2004-05-19T20:32:00.000-04:00

JONAH 500

That's rights folks. WJT has reached 500 hits!

Carl says: "WJT is almost as cool as the drummer from Foghat."

Jonah says: "Thank you for your support. VISIT MORE OFTEN! TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"

2004-05-19T17:14:00.000-04:00

Sorry, Thigh Master

In a sad turn of events the love of Mr. Thigh Master's life, Lindsay Lohan might not be as naturally hot as we thought.

Still think they're nice though

Jonah says: "Who cares about Iraq? LL has fake tits!"

2004-05-19T13:26:00.000-04:00

MUTANT CORN TO CONQUER EUROPE

It seems the Europeans have been convinced to finally begin to allow genetically modified crops into Europe. The first to arrive? CORN.

Not allowed to join the Aqua Teens, the mutant corn monster decides to move to Amsterdam

Well, its about time. The reactionary Europeans had been fighting this for years. We in the US have been eating such crops for several years. In fact, if you really think about it humans have been genetically modifying crops since we first learned to farm. This just came from a lab. Anyway, its nice to see Europeans finally considering the future when they make decisions. These crops are best for everyone and are the wave of the future. They will help feed millions as well as provide farmers with a means to remain competitive.

Jonah says: "Mmmmmmm...mutant corn."

2004-05-18T23:38:00.000-04:00

B-BOY RULES!

Yo foolios. Me and my main man Thigh Master are sick and tired of the lack of love shown for one of the world's finest sports journalists: Bandwagon Boy! Look, he hates tax day just like Jonah.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Allso today is the big Taxes Day where all us hardworking people have to pay all kind of money to the looser Goverment so they can turn around and hand it over to the welfares this is the worst day of the YEAR!! I need my money why should I give it up to a bunch of welfares who dont even work!!!! It is a ripoff and a CRIME!! Anyways I am a expert on the taxes I fill them all out by my self and ever year I get a big reffund!! Maybe I will open up one of them H-Anar Blocks and get people to pay me they money to fill out they taxes for them! That would be good but all that adding up gives me a headache and why should i give away all my secret tricks for getting a big reffund too bad forget it suckers!!! My tragick injury that I got years ago that gives me a Trick knee that itches before it rains ever time and kept me out of the NBA and the NFL costed me a lot of money so I get more money back from the Taxes that is how our system works but the point is that I should be getting back WAY more money from the stupid goverment if not for the welfares!!!! Belief me Bucko that time I got laid off from work back in the recession because they said I stole from the register (WHICH IS A BIG LIE!!!!) I never even went on the welfare except for the first month! I am a hard worker and I am very smart with my money and I am tough and so I got by on just my unamploymint and govermint cheese! Why cant these welfares do the same i am sick of them and they LAZYNESS!!! I work hard for my money that walkin cooler dont clean itself and neither does the fryer!!!!! These stupid welfares can come and clean them out while I set around eating bonboms on the couch watching Springer for a change how do you like them apples looser Welfares! Its not so funny now is it!!! Jerks!!! I cant wait untell "W" Bush gets relected and then he will FINELY put those welfares in jail where they bellong he should of allready done it but he is too afraid of the Liberals! Come on "W" "Bush" wake up and get to work!! I ahve to work all the time and what do I get for it just grease all over my LeBaron James tennyshoes and then I have to pay TAXES so welfares can go and set around all days I wish I had it so easy it aint fair why dont I get to be on the handouts and do nothign all day I would do it too!!!! This day is the worst of the year that damn Goverment better hurry up and send me my check get you ass in gear Hillery Clinton!!!!

// posted by King Awesome Dawg! @ 2:18 PM

Jonah says: "He also writes about sports."

2004-05-16T13:44:00.000-04:00

Bombing China

Check this out. They got graffiti writers in China now. The MiG Crew of Canton bomb China like mad. And they seem to be pretty good.

How do you say 'Crylon rules!' in Chinese?

2004-05-14T23:54:00.000-04:00

Just Following Orders

I am really amazed that I have yet to hear anyone mention this in the mainstream media. Actually, I aint seen anything in any media. Why are we accepting "I was just following orders" as a legitimate excuse from the Abu-Ghraib torturers?

This is an unacceptable excuse from a soldier. Since Nuremberg soldiers have been held to a higher standard. What was decided then was that even during war time a soldier still has the duty to refuse unjust orders. A guard told to gas hundreds of people at a time does not get to excuse his actions by saying he was "following orders." While personal patriotism and the obvious utter mental simplicity of the soldiers involved does make them sympathetic figures, orders do not absolve them of responsibility for their inhuman actions. This whole thing reminds me of a book I read in college called 'Ordinary Men' which was the biggest crock of shit I ever seen.

The book tried to make you sympathize with the Einzatsgruppen. You see, they came from normal life and found themselves in war and ordered to shoot hundreds of Jews at a time. Many of them felt bad about it, threw up, drank and such. But they still carried out their orders. They still killed over one million men women and children before the gas chambers were even invented. And for that reason they are just as guilty as those who ordered them to do it.

War is inhuman. I understand that. It must be confusing as hell to be able to kill someone one minute and have to treat them with respect the next, but it is the responsibility undertaken by the professional soldier. And it should not be forgotten that these soldiers were not drafted, they all chose to serve for their own reasons (noble or not) and thus have an even greater responsibility to act professionally at all times.

And just because you didn't have a copy of the Geneva convention handy does not excuse you from having forced people to masturbate for your enjoyment. It does not excuse you from having used prison facilities to film your own personal gang bang. You STILL, are not allowed to force prisoners to strip and build a human pyramid. Am I the only person on earth with any common sense?

Durrr...I wuz just following orders...durrrrr.

Jonah says: "If you act evil when you battle evil you become evil. Then evil wins and its your fault."

2004-05-14T23:18:00.000-04:00

HOLY SH@*T!

Wanna get your mind read? This is just freaky.

2004-05-12T17:31:00.000-04:00

SKI MASKS WON'T SAVE YOUR COWARDLY BUTTS

By STEVE DUNLEAVY (New York Post)

I KNOW why you wear ski masks.

I know why you tied up Nick Berg, leaving him unable to fight back.

I know why the odds were 5 to 1.

You say your unspeakable act of barbarity was retaliation for what happened in Abu Ghraib prison.

What a convenient excuse: A bunch of untrained Americans hazed and humiliated Iraqi detainees.

But if that hadn't happened, you'd have found a different justification.

Maybe because we captured your fearless leader, Saddam, cowering in a rat hole.

Or maybe you'd have just fallen back on that old standby - Israel.

I can see right through you.

You wore those ski masks for two reasons.

Number one, you're afraid you'll be identified by the coalition and forced to answer for your atrocities. And number two, you shamed your fellow countrymen and fellow Muslims - and just maybe, you're also afraid of them.

You and your wimpy, terrorist brothers around the world are getting your butts kicked. In Baghdad, you're facing Iraqi soldiers who could beat you with water pistols.

So what do you do?

You kill an American when his arms are tied.

You blow up Iraqi cops with bombs because you can't do anything face-to-face.

You mutilate four Americans and hang them from a bridge.

I can't even remember what excuse you used for that one.

But this country won't forget that stomach-churning outrage against humanity - or this one.

Then there was the assassination back in 2002 of Daniel Pearl by some of your brothers in Pakistan.

Well, he was a Jew, you said. Any reason is better than the truth: You hate freedom.

But there's one piece of good news in all of this.

You have as much brains as you do guts - you just pulled the rug out from under soft-headed liberals on Capitol Hill. This will get even them pissed off.

But if you think this ultimate act of barbarity will weaken the resolve of the coalition - and the decent people of Iraq - you are wrong.

The overwhelming majority of the Muslim world wouldn't waste their spit on your graves.

I know why you wear ski masks. It is because you are cowards.

But hear this: Ski masks or not, you and your brothers in terror will fall soon enough.

Jonah says: "I was looking for something to say. Mr. Dunleavy said it for me. I wanted to make sure you all got to read it. Also, in case you didn't know, Mr. Berg was a Jew too.

2004-05-11T00:54:00.000-04:00

What Gives?

I'm just a little curious. Where is Kim Jong Il (the "supreme leader" of North Korea)?

Lets back up a sec. Kim was visiting China in late April. The same day he was riding his train back from China, a train station (on his route) and 150 people (mostly children) blew up. Word right after the blast was that Kim had passed through the area 5 hours prior to the blast. Of course that word came from the official North Korean News Agency, who are not known for their accurate reporting.

So what do we have so far? A tyrant who has not shown his face (except for one video from his propoganda agency of questionable date) since the blast and who passed thorough the blast zone that very day.

But wait, there's more. This is a sick but typical totalitarian regime. When the leader stops in your town you pull out all the stops. Chances are you have hundreds of school children greet the leader and sing to him. And a majority of the casualties were children. You do the math.

I believe Kim Jong Il is dead.

Bet that's what he looked like

Jonah says: "For the sake of the people of North Korea, I hope more responsible leadership will emerge there. Although I doubt it."

2004-05-10T23:13:00.000-04:00

Fishin' With Firearms

Believe it. The land that gave us Ben & Jerry's and Howard "I had a medical practice once" Dean has given us yet another gem: shooting fish.

Yes it seems the old adage about shooting fish in a barrel couldn't deter them from huntin fish with a .357 magnum. This makes no sense to me. To me its the same as the continued existence of crackheads. I mean all people do is make fun of crackheads. Yet people still smoke crack. I mean, does this not guarentee ridicule? How can you possibly take shooting fish seriously? And do they eat the fish afterward? Maybe it's butterflied and served bullet side up.

Steady...steady...he just went under that lilly pad...FIRE!

Jonah says: "I still think Ben & Jerry's should have made stuffed cabbage ice cream."

2004-05-10T20:51:00.000-04:00

Time to Start Eatin!

Hell yeah! Get your tastebuds ready cause pretty soon fat will be a thing of the past. That's right. Some lucky little mice were fed fatty diets so they would gain weight. Once they were chubbed up, they gave them injections of this formula that literally kills fat. The mice dropped weight like I dropped Political Theory 121. Next test: baboons.

Now Fat Bastard can put anything he wants in his belly

Jonah says: "More updates to come."

2004-05-10T19:21:00.000-04:00

Is It Football Season Yet?

O-LINE!

Jonah says: "I don't think I can make it four more months."

2004-05-10T19:11:00.000-04:00

Hot New Look

That's right folks. The evolution of this blog continues...

Jonah says: "I eat html for breakfast."

2004-05-09T17:36:00.000-04:00

Greatest Movie Ever?

Must...see...this...movie

Jonah says: "With a title like that, how could it possibly suck?"

2004-05-08T01:00:00.000-04:00

A quick thought on Iraq

I was just thinking about how to solve the present huge problems going on trying to pacify Iraq. Now, few Iraqis will say they wish Saddam was still around. They just want us gone as well. But we cant just leave, then the country will flood with weapons and Mujahideen to create an Afghanistan-on-steroids. So what if we pulled a modified Sharon plan?

Pull US troops out of the cities and towns of Iraq. Ask the Iraqis where they want us out of and in what order. Once the troops have packed up, they will begin border and port guard duty (hopefully with some international help) to make sure that the country is not overrun by terrorists from outside. 130,000 troops should be plenty to adequately guard the borders and search all incoming cargo. In so doing we will let the Iraqi people build their own society. We will be right there, literally by their side should they require or request any help whatsoever.

Public works projects should be initiated by Iraqis. The building of government institutions should be initiated by Iraqis. Why do we assume these people are so incapable? They had no military power to overthrow their dictator, so we did it for them. The rest they have always wanted to do on their own.

I always knew Saddam liked golden showers

Jonah says: "You see what I just did there? I stated a problem, and proposed a solution. People can do that"

2004-05-07T15:45:00.000-04:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking about the disgusting pictures of the abuse of prisoners in Iraq. I have read numerous articles and editorials, watched hours of testimony and even argued with friends about how this should have been handled. Then I read some of the Red Cross report on what they call systematic abuse of Iraqi prisoners. Now usually, I take what the Red Cross says with a grain of salt. I mean, they are supposed to be an organization dedicated to humanity yet they refuse to recognize the Magen David Adom (the Israeli version of the Red Cross). They recognize the Red Crescent (Muslim version) and many other regional organizations. But I digress.

One of the abuses they cited was that prisoners were stripped naked and locked in solitary confinement for days at a time. Is that not what they call "the hole" in EVERY SINGLE prison movie?

So this got me thinking. The thing that I fear most about prison is the thought of becoming someone's bitch. I doubt I am alone. This fear led Monty Brogan to have his best friend make him "ugly." It led Kenny to ask Thurgood if he had ever ran naked, backwards through a cornfield. None of us want to be Beecher to some Schillinger.

And as we all know, this situation is sometimes used by the guards as punishment. All they have to do is look the other way and allow something like this to happen. The culture in Iraq is different. Their approach to sexuality and especially homosexuality is quite different from ours. I doubt they have too many Bogs' there. Without the threat of homosexual abuse by the prisoners, the guards had lost one of the most effective tools used by American prison guards. Perhaps they felt the need to re-create this prison culture on their own.

This is no excuse, mind you. I have long disagreed with the accepted and perpetuated prison culture in this nation. If you ask me, weight rooms should be removed from prisons and replaced with couches, TV's and full refrigerators. Everybody would be too full and entertained to act as they do now. They would leave prison fat as opposed to Goldbergesque.

Furthermore, the issue of prisoners of war is even more difficult. Imagine if every prison guard was also victim to the crimes of the prisoners. This must be how the Iraqi prisoners look to American guards. To the guards the prisoners are not just transgressors of the law, they are the enemy as well.

There was no excuse for their actions. People who take action are responsible for its results. Those responsible deserve to be punished. For the Iraqis at least there is some solace. The Americans have to go back to American prison to serve their time. And they will all be watching their corn holes.

I'm just visitin' Abu-Ghraib prison. I get to sleep back home toniiiiiight.

Jonah says: "Oh yeah. Rummy my man. Its time to GET THE FUCK OUT!"

2004-05-06T00:16:00.000-04:00

This One Is Just Odd

Ok, first strange thing I learned about Italian TV: weather has for years been delivered on the news by Military meteorologists.

IN FULL UNIFORM!

I mean, imagine Dave Price giving his wacky weather in military dress.

So anyway, they have begun a movement away from the Military weathermen and towards one of the greatest inventions of our time; the WEATHERGIRL!

But alas, things are not perfect in the world of Italian TV. One weathergirl crossed a line by posing for a sexy spread in a thong of some sort. Apparently, Italian TV is known for its non-US hotties. It seems having them do the weather is going a bit too far.

Tiffany here could use a few lessons from Miss Italy

Jonah says: "I bet the Pope liked her."

2004-05-05T23:29:00.000-04:00

The Continued Evolution
of a Blog

Hooray For Blogs!

Jonah says: "Yes! I have moved the blog even further into the future. Now I will provide links to my favorite websites!"

2004-05-05T22:49:00.000-04:00

WELCOME

Just wanted to take a moment to welcome the newest member of my household:
Roomba!

This noisy little robot scoots around the apartment vacuuming everything in its path! It even has a remote control for quick cleanups.

Rod Stewart loves ROOMBA!

Jonah says: "Go out and get a Roomba of your own. Its cool."

2004-05-01T16:22:00.000-04:00

WOOHOO!

First a Jew comes to IU and now this. Maccabi Tel Aviv has won the Euroleague title 118-74. Blowing out AJ Guyton and his Skipper Boloney team. It was a blowout from start to finish. Beginning and ending with the most powerful Hatikvah rendition I have ever heard.

AM YISRAEL CHAI

Jonah says: "Party hard Israel. You deserve it."

2004-04-30T23:33:00.000-04:00

GO YELLOW!

Saturday afternoon Maccabi Tel Aviv plays for the Euroleague championship. This is like the NBA of Europe. Although not much better than the CBA.

Oh yes, this scene will repeat itself!

Jonah says: "Kick some ass Maccabi!"

2004-04-30T15:41:00.000-04:00

LOOK OUT

Did you know that the likes of The Matrix, Driving Miss Daisy and Tootsie were really part of a global Zionist conspiracy to take over the world?

The Iranians do!

That's right. These guys and TOOTSIE are out to get YOU!

Jonah says: "Say WHAT?"

2004-04-30T13:33:00.000-04:00

This one gets no title. No pictures. Just outrage.

The scumbags at Sinclair Broadcasting Group are not going to air Nightline tonight because the entire show will be Ted Koppel reading the names of America's war dead.

Unreal.

They seem to think this is a stunt designed to undermine the Prez. They believe it is politically motivated. And pulling it from the air isn't?

It is quite obvious that they would not have a problem with a politically motivated program if they felt it was motivated on their side. What I fail to see is how such a tribute to those who have died in service to all of us Americans could be motivated by any other concern but patriotism.

More frightening is that Sinclair does have the power to stop a great deal of Americans from watching this program. In fact, it is safe to assume that some who have lost a loved one in the war will be kept from seeing this tribute. Disgusting.

Jonah says: "All I need is five minutes alone with Sinclair's CEO. McCain can come too."

2004-04-28T14:41:00.000-04:00

NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL

PROPAGANDA!

Take a look at the Tehran Times Domestic News Page had to say today.

NOTHING!

That's right folks. Nothing newsworthy happened in all of Iran yesterday. In the same time period, the US initiated a policy to raze Fallujah like the Warsaw ghetto and "a Jew" was hired to draft the Iraqi constitution. But in Iran, NOTHING HAPPENED. It says "No news for this category."

The government of the Mullahs in Iran thinks so little of their people that they don't even bother making up stories. Shit, at least Saddam wrote love stories.

We don't care what you think you saw, nothing happened.

Jonah says: "How can those people put up with this shit?!?!"

2004-04-28T10:00:00.000-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

No, not to Saddam!

TO MY BROTHER!

THE GREAT DAN THE MAN IS GETTING OLDER BUT BETTER!

Dan wants an LT jersey for his birthday.

Jonah says: "Happy birthday Dano."

2004-04-26T14:33:00.000-04:00

SO LONG, SUCKER!

Interception per game, on again off again drunk and all around duchebag Giants QB Kerry Collins will be released ASAP. Now we can be sure that ELI will be starting game 1. And if ELI throws for more than 17 TDs and/or less than 16 interceptions, he will be an improvement over KC.

And that's without looking at all 65,000,000,000 of KC's fumbles.

One bourbon+one scotch+one beer=FUMBLE!

Jonah says: "ELI...ELI...ELI...ELI...ELI...ELI!"

2004-04-26T14:14:00.000-04:00

ANOTHER REASON TO BE LIKE

JONAH

As it turns out I am not just Yoda but I am also Alexander Hamilton, of revolutionary and death at the hands of Aaron burr fame.

Which Founding Father Are You?

Jonah says: "Learn to appreciate my greatness."

2004-04-26T13:18:00.000-04:00

Are You Ready For Bad Techno?!

If you be in the NYC and got nothin to do tonite and 25 bones burning a hole in your pocket...join me at this ISRAELI INDEPENDENCE DAY CELEBRATION!

Hey baby, how bout I play the American flag and you play the Israeli?

Jonah says: "Techno and falafel. I feel bad for the bathroom attendant."

2004-04-26T12:29:00.000-04:00

Pretty Cool

Newsmap is this cool ass program that graphically maps the results of the google news site. The more stories there are on a given topic, the bigger the box it is in. Different colors represent different news categories.

Jonah says: "Check out how big any story coming out of Israel gets. Then remind yourself how tiny Israel is compared to the rest of the world."

2004-04-25T17:06:00.000-04:00

No Way!

In the latest fucked up Giants draft day news: it seems that 2nd round pick Chris Snee is the father of head coach Tom Coughlin's bastard grandchild.

Coincidence? Probably. Absurd? Definitely.

Anyway, that story is a nice way to wrap up 17 hours of draft watching this weekend.

Coughlin's daughter must be quite the looker to land this guy

Jonah says: "This deadbeat dad is supposed to protect Eli?!"

2004-04-25T11:57:00.000-04:00

ELI

That's right folks. After trading Philip Rivers, 3 picks, the 59th street bridge, 3 crack heads and a blender BIG BLUE got our man.

Eli throw football good

ELI MUTHAFUCKIN MANNING!

A quarterback for 10 years. No more Kerry Collins. And Payton as my fantasy QB. My future happiness depends solely on the Manning family now.

Jonah says: "They're like the goddamn Kennedys"

2004-04-24T01:14:00.000-04:00

Message From Jonah

Remember, I write about things you don't think about so you will then know what to think about those things. Even if you don't care, the conversation may come up. If it does and you have let me think for you then you will know what the right thing to say is!

Jonah says: "I'm a dork for you."

How did they get that camera into my Torts class?

2004-04-22T23:08:00.000-04:00

Magnet Train...Kewl

This is one of the coolest things I have ever seen. I have to go to Shanghai just to ride the crazy magnet train, the Maglev from the airport to town. Then I could go right back to the airport.

I think the country could use a Maglev system. Much like Eisenhower initiated the interstate system, I believe the next Prez should initiate a gigantic public works program to build a network of these super high speed trains. American ingenuity can find a way to make this feasible. This would provide thousands of jobs that would last for years and the end result would be a train network to ease the burden of the airlines and allow for a reduction of cars on the interstate.

Furthermore, China is the only successful communist state left. Why are we letting them have cooler shit then us? What ever happened to the good old days when the commies ate our dust when it came to cool shit? Its a shame.

The commies beat us to it?

Jonah says: "The thing goes 238 miles per hour!"

2004-04-22T22:12:00.000-04:00

Chickens Come Home To Roost

This might sound cold but when I saw the Saudi reaction to yesterday's bombings in Riyadh I immediately thought of Malcom X's Chickens coming home to roost speech. I have long said that the murder of innocent people is inexcusable regardless of it's supposed cause. This is something Israelis have understood for years. Something Americans have understood since 9/11. Now, it seems to be something the Saudis understand. I am interested to hear what they have to say after the next successful suicide bombing in Israel. Will such attacks still be legitimate means of resistance to them? Or will they see that excusing such actions some of the time allows those who utilize such methods the leeway to justify their actions regardless of the percieved wrong? You see, once such tactics have gained legitimacy in any context, they can always be legitimized. It is only through unwavering, clear opposition to such actions that they can ever be stopped.

That is why I thought of Malcom's speech. The Saudis, who deny responsibility for the spread of the mindset supporting fanaticism, deny that their ideology led to 9/11, deny that their tacit approval of Palestinian terror helped pave the way for people like Binladen to see the effectiveness of such methods.

Just imagine if the Saudis had preached a non-violent, progressive Islam. If they had encouraged the Palestinians to pursue their cause in the manner of Heschel and King and Gandhi. They could have made the golden age of Islam look like pyrite. It looks like this might finally be settling in. Saudi editorials Have begun to sound like American and Israeli ones. Once again, lets see what happens the next time its an Israeli 11-year old girl who gets blown up.

Jonah says: "There is no justification for targeting innocents."

2004-04-22T11:15:00.000-04:00

What, Arafat Selfish?

In shocking news, Yassir has kicked out 21 terrorist fugitives who had been holed up with him in his compound for the past 3 months. All this to save his own ass. Once the Israelis said they would come in to get them, he gave his 'people' up.

Now I have no respect for terrorists (Arafat included) but, come on. This man cares not about his 'cause' nor for his people. The man calls for a million martyrs to march to Jerusalem but when he gets his chance to be one of them and the shit hits the fan in Ramallah, he does whatever it takes to save his hide.

res ipsa loquitor

Jonah says: "Practice what you preach. Otherwise, shut the fuck up!"

2004-04-22T10:35:00.000-04:00

As If You Needed It!

Yet more proof that listening to me is a good idea. As I mentioned on Monday April 19th, google is testing their new email service gmail. Well, somebody over at google must be a loyal reader cause it took them only 48 hours to ask me to be one of the testers!

Its funny though, I sent an email from my former provider (see you in hell, hotmail!) to my friends informing them of my new gmail account. But did they write me on said new account? Of course not. They all hit 'reply' and send curious emails to my old account, asking questions about the new gmail account. What's worse is that I am certain that I would have done the same thing.

Jonah says: "Google, if you want to send me some stock or a job offer. I'm here."

Where the magic happens

2004-04-21T13:39:00.000-04:00

OH NO, NOT AGAIN!

It seems that Ralphie Nader is back in effect. This stupid fundamentalist scum is going to try to put his name on the ballot...Again.

He's evil.

Jonah says: "Nader, you stupid son of a bitch. Do us all a favor and disappear."

2004-04-20T20:30:00.000-04:00

It Begins!

Well folks, its that time of year again. Allergy season. This years cocktail of choice: Zyrtec and Flonase.

Buds are sprouting and Jonah is sneezing. But I would not trade this for anything. My father has allergies. His father had allergies. His father's father had allergies. Every time I sneeze its a link to my family's past.

Anyway, if you are like me...I feel your pain.

Jonah's next step?

Jonah says: "Gotta learn to love it."

2004-04-20T18:20:00.000-04:00

Kaiser Soze Caught!

In yet another addition to the "what the?!?" files, fantastic yet egomaniacal actor Kevin Spacey has admitted he lied to the coppers about being mugged in a London park. It seems Kev was out waking his dog when some stranger begged Spacey to let him use Spacey's cellie. Spacey even dialed the number and someone answered! Then, when Kev-o handed the phone over the kid booked with the phone. Kevin began to give chase when he tripped over his dog and pulled a header.

It was then that the acting gene kicked in. Spacey picked himself up and headed for the police station where (in what must have been one of the worst performances of his life) he told the bobbies that he had been mugged. Now he admits he was simply acting.

Spacey thought he could pull one over on this guy?

Jonah says: "Oh, you've got to be kidding me."

2004-04-20T16:36:00.000-04:00

Finally, some recognition!

Starship's "We Built this City" was rated by sex, crap and maybe a little music magazine Blender as the worst song of all time. Not a huge surprise since that song sucks the goat ass but I however, would beg to differ. I was under the impression that the Eddie Murphy classic "Party All the Time" had been widely accepted as the official WORST SONG EVER.

Anyway, I bet the Starship people are planning a tour right now, opening act: William Hung (that joke was so easy, I made it in my sleep).

What do you mean I didn't win?

Jonah says: "Appreciate the beauty of such shitty music."

2004-04-20T00:46:00.000-04:00

Yet Another Reason to Think Like

Jonah

Thanks to my man Thigh Master I found out that I am Yoda . See who you are.

Please do not confuse my Yodability with this guy's.

Jonah says: "Yoda is wise. Jonah is wise. It all makes sense."

2004-04-19T21:53:00.000-04:00

The Future is Almost Here

Soon (but not soon enough!) google will launch their brand new email system that promises to give MAD memory. Almost 100 times the usual from hotmail and yahoo and others. This isn't the latest news but this sample page is.

Jonah says: "Maybe now I'll be able to receive pictures."

2004-04-19T13:32:00.000-04:00

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

A 7 foot Jew. What will they think of next?

That's right folks. Seven-foot Jew, Robert Rothbart will be joining the Hoosiers this fall. Rothbart and his family escaped to Israel from war-torn Yugoslavia in the early 1990's. A few years later they moved to SoCal, where Robert played high school ball. Now, on to Bloomington!

Jonah says: "He must have had a Big Ten Special from Pizza Express!"

The real reason to go to IU

2004-04-19T03:05:00.000-04:00

WE WILL NEVER FORGET

2004-04-18T14:02:00.000-04:00

Another One Bites the Dust

Hamas leader Abdel Aziz Rantisi was finally taken out yesterday. And once again the world has spoken out against the Israeli action. Rantisi was the voice and face of mass murder for years and his demise can be nothing but a blessing. Now, I am not one who usually advocates taking a human life under any circumstances. I am against the death penalty. Sadly, this is a different case.

When a man devotes his life to the haphazard random slaughter of innocents, regardless of his motivation, he does not deserve to enjoy that which he has made a career from taking away. He did not deny his role in or belief in the use of homicide bombings to achieve the stated goal of the movement he helped to found. That goal is the destruction of the state of Israel and the ethnic cleansing of all Jews west of the Jordan river.

Jonah says: "Good riddance"

Such a shame these guys lost their leader

2004-04-18T12:19:00.000-04:00

MORONATHON

Just imagine that the band is the concession stand

In a showing of national pride, the Polaks were out in force at the Garden last night to see their national hero heavyweight Andrew Golota (best known for being disqualified twice for low-blows against Riddick Bowe and quitting in round 2 against Mike Tyson) battle Chris Byrd for some terrible title belt.

Now, usually I would call a night where Golota/Byrd was by far the best fight a waste of time and money. Last night things were different. Why? You ask. That's because of the brawl Brent and I got to see while trying to locate a steak sandwich for Dave (found, but never bought). Wild.

Some chach and his boys were battling with the Polak skinhead looking Golota fan club out by the concessions. Knocking over tables and everything. Sadly, much like the fights in the ring, there was little blood. And they fell too far away from us to get some free kicks in.

Maybe those stories about the submarine with the screen door are true

Jonah says: "If I were Polish, I think I would re-consider who I make my national hero."

2004-04-17T13:08:00.000-04:00

As I have been saying for years now, retirement is party time! To prove this, many active elderly retired people have been moving to college towns for their golden years. And why not? Easy access to books, classes and all the fast food you desire makes this option appealing. And let us not forget the readily available black market for pot, acid, mushrooms and the like. What better time in life to expand your mind?!

Many of these people are moving to their alma mater's towns due to the fond memories they have of their college days. It's funny though; I just assumed that the hazy memories I have of college that I still have at this point would be gone by the time I'm that old. Good to know that I'm wrong.

Jonah says: "Do college again in your 70's, you wont need those brain cells anymore anyway!"

Bye bye, Florida!

2004-04-16T22:04:00.000-04:00

Our country may be run by this guy:

But we can all thank the good lord we don't have to live near these guys.

Jonah says: "Damn. There's some stupid people out there."

2004-04-16T21:38:00.000-04:00

CHALK UP ANOTHER WIN

In the latest proof that the 'drug war' is a stupid waste the main training vessel for The Colombian Navy was found to have a stash of several different kinds of white powder. None of which was meant to be used in cooking anything but brain cells. Anybody think this was the first time?

Not me. This is more stupidity piled on top of stupidity. How can we expect to stop something like drugs by pushing them onto the black market? Regulation and taxation works fine for alcohol and tobacco, not to mention prescription narcotics (Vicodon anyone?...Don't mind if I do). Then we can pump the tax revenues and unspent 'drug war' paraphanalia into education and other social welfare programs.

Jonah says: "What people want to do to themselves is none of my business. Unless you do as I say, then it's all GOOD."

2004-04-16T18:38:00.000-04:00

I'm Going to Get Gout?

So it seems I am destined to get gout due to drinking. However, the article in the Times mentions that it is most likely the non-alcoholic components of the beers that cause gout. What does this mean?

Drink grain alcohol.

Jonah says: "Better no go to too many Mets games this year."

2004-04-16T13:38:00.000-04:00

Check this one out. Playing to the short attention spans and enormous respect for cartoons of my generation (which shall remain nameless), John Kerry has given us a little toon to make it easier to understand just how bad we have it.

Jonah says: "Watch cartoons. A lot. You just might learn something."

2004-04-16T13:16:00.000-04:00

JONAH GETS NEW PHONE!

Finally after weeks of waiting, my brand new (soon to be piece of shit) cellie has arrived. YES! I am the greatest! They paid me $50 to switch and take the phone.

Jonah says: "Thanks for the cizash, fools!"

2004-04-16T00:49:00.000-04:00

Big Ups to my boy Thigh Master
for teaching me how to link.

Jonah says: "Phase 2 of What Jonah Thinks is now complete!"

2004-04-15T15:29:00.000-04:00

Anybody see the Times article on Chicago Hot Dogs yesterday?

Anyway back to this stupid article. I am so sick of these lame ass travel writers who have no taste at all. An example: This sucker called the Wiener Circle simply, 'rowdy.'

Here's a typical order sequence @ the WC:

Cashier: "What the fuck you lookin at?"

Customer: "Get me a fuckin hot dog bitch!"

Cashier: "Fuck you!"

Customer: "There better not be any fuckin ketchup on my hot dog."

Cashier: "What the fuck you goin to do if they is?!"

And so on...

Jonah says: "If you are going to write an article about Chicago Hot Dogs, write it right."

2004-04-15T00:57:00.000-04:00

Apple's profits have tripled this quarter based on super strong ipod sales.

Jonah says: "I just hope the Apple Store has restocked the Genius Bar."

2004-04-14T17:22:00.000-04:00

Today, the President did something no other world leader has ever done. He recognized the right of the state of Israel to continue to exist.

Now I know what you must be thinking: didn't we do that already?

My answer is: NO!

Bush rejected the Palestinian 'right of return' to anywhere other than a Palestinian state and recognized that some of the West Bank 'settlements' are in fact, cities that can not simply be evacuated. In so doing he laid out the first clear vision of a two state solution that will endure well into the future.

You see, when someone calls for a two state solution with the 'return' of 3 million Palestinian 'refugees' and their descendants to the State of Israel, they are actually calling for a one state solution as that demographic shift would eliminate the Jewish majority in Israel.

Jonah says: "Wake up! Peace is more fun."

2004-04-14T00:27:00.000-04:00

BIG NEWS!!!!

In the final game of the final tournament of one of the sixteengazzlion European basketball leagues...
Hapoel Jerusalem came out on top!

WOOHOO!

They took the ULEB Cup trophy with help from American college 'stars' Nadav "the Gaza Stripper" Hennefeld (UCONN), Kelly "No I'm not Walter" McCarty (Southern Miss) and last but not least: Tunji "I am BU basketball" Awojobi (Boston University). They took out the basketball version of Real Madrid, who must not be quite the team their soccer counterparts are.

Jonah says: "What the hell is the ULEB Cup?"

2004-04-12T14:54:00.000-04:00

I know you all think I only talk global politics and boring shiz like that. Today, I give you my first ever movie review for:

HELLBOOOOOOO!

It seems that this story was once a comic book or pulp or something. Man, I never though I'd be in favor of a good old-fashioned book burning...But this story was the biggest load of pig crap I've ever seen.

As my good friend Thigh Master said: "I've seen that movie a thousand times!"

Jonah says: "I'm never going to the movies again."

2004-04-12T14:46:00.000-04:00

I bet you all missed me.

Took a short Pesach break.

Jonah says: "Enough matzoh already!"

2004-04-03T13:38:00.000-05:00

Japan has decided to be a part of the "missile shield" we are building. I hope it works.

But China and North Korea and Indonesia insist it will start an arms race. Why? If you know that the guy you want to shoot missiles at is protected from them, its pretty stupid to keep building missiles.

This project could work better though. Since we have the ability to shoot down the missiles now, we should cover the entire world with the shield. Nobody wants missiles that are all going to be shot down anyway.

Jonah says: "When in doubt, use common sense."

2004-04-02T04:01:00.000-05:00

Here's a great one from the great one: http://www.bandwagonboy.blogspot.com/

"And why did you let them [Yankees] play at 5 in the damn morning our superstars were all tired you don't make the great Jeeter or Arod Ramirez get up in the middle of the night to play baseball they probaly been out knocking boots with girls all night long!!!"

2004-04-02T03:38:00.000-05:00

Me and my big mouth:

He is CNN doing the story I was asking for:

http://www.cnn.com/2004/WORLD/meast/04/01/iraq.contractor/index.html

Jonah says: "Soon I will learn the code to give you fools links."

2004-04-02T03:28:00.000-05:00

Ah, yes.
Nothing better than Jonah talking the news at 3:30am.

Right now somewhere in Afghanistan my friend's husband is a civilian contractor. He protects Prez Karzai. He is the same type of person as those killed in Fallujah two days ago. They do selfless work and die nameless, without even recognition for their sacrifice.

Jonah says: "How bout CNN do a story on the foreign civilians working in Iraq?"

2004-03-29T23:57:00.000-05:00

So my optimism wanes as the days pass. I look for a sign, something to tell me that my president is not a crook and a liar. And every day they push me further into the abyss of despair that is modern American politics. I am nearly 30 years old and have never voted 'for' anyone...Just against the other guy.

And I usually lose.

But this is getting out of control. Every challenge to the policies of the White House is met with a smear campaign. Richard Clarke may not be telling the entire story but it took a HUGE sack to go public against this White House. You have to assume there is a good deal of truth in what he has been saying.

And that reminds me.

I have been wanting to talk about the Clarke biz for some time now. Most of his accusations have to do with the President making vague statements to him. Clarke speaks of a Washington phenomenon, making that statement while communicating the true message though body language. And we all know how W hates to verbalize any more than is absolutely necessary.

I think that this type of communication serves everybody in Washington. They can say one thing, mean another, and everybody can accuse everybody else of saying whatever they want.

Clarke probably correctly interpreted the Prez's body language. At the same time all W did was ask him to recheck his work - beautiful deniabillity for W.

Jonah says: "This m&m's commercial sucks."

2004-03-29T19:35:00.000-05:00

This one came from my cousin Ben:

Iraqi petition condemns interim law

Flier seen as playing on residents' fears

By Anne Barnard, [Boston] Globe Staff, 3/29/2004

BAGHDAD -- Followers of Iraq's most revered cleric are circulating a
petition condemning the country's interim constitution -- the blueprint
for the fast-approaching handoff of power to an Iraqi government.

The petition, which is giving many Iraqis their first news of the interim
constitution, is worded to play to many Iraqis' deepest fears. It
describes the law as "a tragedy" that paves the way for the United States
to dominate Iraq's future, encourages immoral behavior, and opens the door
for Jews to take power.

Jonah says: "Elders of Zion...If you guys are out there...Somebody forgot to give me my key to the executive washroom, if you know what I'm saying."

2004-03-29T19:02:00.000-05:00

Also, best of luck to Georgia Tech in the Final Four this weekend. Win and at least I get to say that I called it.

Jonah says: "I should have put more money on the Washington/UAB over."

2004-03-29T18:28:00.000-05:00

I want to know what CNN needs to remove the quotation marks from this headline:

19 dead in Uzbek 'terror' attacks

Why is it written like that? These were female suicide bombers. They were the first attacks of their kind in Uzbekistan. What is not terrorist about that?

Jonah says: "Suicide bombings are terrorist acts, period."

2004-03-28T15:19:00.000-05:00

Great article from the BBC regarding the wave of heavy violence expected to hit Gaza following the inevitable Hamas "retaliation" for the killing of Yassin. Now, Hamas' mission is the destruction of the State of Israel, the expulsion of Jews from the area and the founding of an Islamic republic of Palestine. They send attackers to Israeli civilian areas daily in attempts to comment attacks. The next one that is successful will be called the "retaliation." I'm sure they re-recorded the video testimonials of their bombers in the wake of Yassin's death to make sure they referenced the assaination, just so the world would know who to blame...

And that blame certainly is not to fall on those who commit the attacks. Its the perceived motivation for the attacks that is scrutinized (at least in Israel). But this is really just a microcosm of a problem plaguing the world.

Our level of compassion for those less fortunate is at an all time high. Rather that this wonderful development in history leading to a peaceful world however, this trend has led to a lack of a sense of responsibility in people's own actions. What I mean is: that we feel so much empathy towards our fellow humans, we don't want to believe that they could do such horrible things for no good reason.

It's not the bomber's fault he ended his life murdering so many people, his life was terrible, he felt despair, etc.

It's not the smoker's fault he ignored the warnings, ignored the burning and coughing of his 1st drag, smoked for 30 years, and got lung cancer...The tobacco companies tried to sell their product, they are to blame!

It's not the kid's fault he lit his friend on fire, he saw some idiot doing it on TV...It must be TV's fault.

Sadly, we have to accept that some people are just stupid, or evil.

Jonah says: "Unless there was a gun to your head, you made the choice...Moron!"

2004-03-28T14:18:00.000-05:00

Please do yourself a favor and read today's Tom Friedman column in the Times.

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/03/28/opinion/28FRIE.html

Jonah says: "Tommy Friedman is almost as smart as I am, pay attention to what he says."

2004-03-26T22:55:00.000-05:00

Good news everyone! The F.D.A. just approved a 20 minute over the counter AIDS test. Now I don't have to ask my stupid doctor for one and never get the results back. Why is it the only thing I can get from my doctor on time is the bill?

And why does Wendy's insist on running this stupid ass ad campaign. Dave Thomas must be spinning in his grave.

Jonah says: "don't chose your primary care physician by picking the one closest to your apartment."

2004-03-26T15:55:00.000-05:00

Just so you don't think he's crabby all the time...

Jonah says: "have a good shabbos. And if that's not your thing, have a good whatever it is you do."

2004-03-26T00:14:00.000-05:00

In case you were wondering about Jonah's thoughts on the French...

Jonah says: "Learn your history. Don't count on the French having your back, especially if the Germans are coming."

Chirac, DiVillipain, LePen and all the rest can kiss my glorious golden ass!

2004-03-25T14:51:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah. And the latest news from the 14 year old would be bomber. He did it because he was promised 72 virgins to have his way with in paradise.

Jonah says: "the real reason for expanded freedom for women in the
Arab/Muslim world is so that the men can get laid. Imagine the destruction that can be wrought by millions of sexually frustrated 14-25 year old men who are promised 72 virgins for each in heaven?!"

2004-03-25T14:40:00.000-05:00

Last night I saw two of the longest short movies in history:
Eternal Spotshine of a Sunless Mind
and
Gothikrappo.

Each felt like 3 hours.
Each was less than two.

Charlie Kaufman's latest made me wish Frodo would come and erase my memory like he did to Jim Carey.

And even seeing Roc with his legs chopped off for the second time in his career (see 'Surviving the Game') and Penelope Cruise with bad acne couldn't save gotogetoutofthetheaterika.

Jonah says: "don't watch two boring movies in one day, it hurts."

2004-03-24T14:09:00.000-05:00

News flash: A 14 year old mentally challenged boy was paid 100 shekels to blow himself up. He was sent by the Tanzim, a group organized by Arafat's Fatah organization. Somehow the kid wised up and was aided in removing the vest by Israeli soldiers.

Jonah says: "If you want someone to blow himself up, do it yo damn self!"

Jonah also says: "Read this": http://www.haaretzdaily.com/hasen/spages/408359.html

2004-03-24T00:25:00.000-05:00

Jonah would like to send his best regards to the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets. Keep on keepin on!
Jarret "A.J. Moye" Jack and Will "insert unoriginal nickname here" Bynum will crush all in their path.

Or maybe not.

Jonah really just misses the Hoosiers and Big Blue.